


Losing control

by bellarosa



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Chair Sex, Chest Hair, Choking, Crying, Desire, Food, Hair Kink, Hair-pulling, Italy, Love, M/M, Memories, New York City, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Passion, Pizza, Rain, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Sharing a Bed, Showers, Sleeping Together, Snow, Wet & Messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21889297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarosa/pseuds/bellarosa
Summary: Armie Hammer is a bit frustrated, and Timmy knows exactly how to cheer him up.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 38
Kudos: 133





	Losing control

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!! i couldn't post sooner, i started my internship in the ER last week and this week i've been working from 1pm til 7pm. That shift is so boring and it literally takes my entire day off, i hate it. Next week i'm back to working from 7am til 1pm and i can't wait.  
> Okaaay, so here's another one shot, this time from Timmy's perspective. This is literally the hardest one i ever had to write, out of all the one shots and chapters ever. Again, keep in mind that this is just a fantasy, none of these events are confirmed, i may have messed up some dates or parts of the year during the flash back but once again, it is not confirmed. Some situations are indeed true and i just deepened them with my imagination. A lot of kinky stuff are involved, or maybe just a few, and apparently it's extremely hot even to me, which i never knew i could react like that on that side of the sexual fantasy lol.   
> Let me know what you think and if you want me to write more on this subject. Hope you'll like this one shot and give me all your thoughts and impressions in the comment section. Enjoy!!

I knock. No answer. I knock again, wait a few seconds, still no answer.

I take my phone out and read the last text he sent me. He wrote that he’ll be there in 15 minutes 20 minutes ago. Oh well, he has the key I gave to him. I just hope he’s okay. Should I call him? Relax, he’s 5 minutes late. Maybe he got stuck in traffic, it was pouring for the last hour or so. Maybe his phone died. Maybe he ran into someone he knew. Armie didn’t know many people in New York, not many people knew he was even here. But, he’s got the key to my apartment, he can come in at any time.

I take out my key, unlock and lock the door again. It was almost 8 in the evening, I’ve been out almost the entire afternoon, then I went to my mom’s place and spent 4 solid hours with her. The rain caught up with me just as I was on my way out but she offered to drive me back to my place. I said yes, and she refilled my cup of tea, saying that we have time.

Now I was soaking wet, even the short walk from the sidewalk to the entrance was enough for my sneakers to get wet and also my socks. I didn’t put a hood on so my hair was wet as well. The rest I never noticed because as soon as I walked into the hallway of my apartment, I undressed completely and threw all those clothes into the laundry basket. Didn’t even stop to turn the lights on, just threw the wet clothes away and jumped into a shower. The warm water helps. Maybe if he comes soon, he’ll join me.

After maybe 5 minutes of showering, I hear something outside the door. My phone rings several times, a call and then a text, then it’s a knock and finally I hear the key tangling in the lock. It’s him, he’s home. I continue to shower, hoping he’d pop in and join me.

“Tim?” I hear him call for me. He’s calling me from the doorway, I know by the way the sound of his voice is floating around here.

I turn the water off so I can answer.

“I’m in the shower.”

“Okay. See you in a bit.”

I guess that’s it, he’s not coming. And maybe it’s for the best. I can actually shower by myself and for myself. If he were in here, like every single time before, we’d get caught up in other things and the hot water would go to waste, and we’d run and push to see who’s gonna catch the last 10 drops of hot water to shower until it turns to ice cold. Now, I have the space, the time and the water to make the best of it. I love him, and I’d do anything for him, but on a rainy day like this one, I can make an exception when it comes to self-care, and hot water.

I take my time, I soap up really good, wash everything off of me, I bathe in the warmth of the water that has been hugging me for the last 10 minutes or so. I’m breathing finally, with my head thrown back as I touch every part of my body just so I could remind myself what it feels like to be hugged by hot, boiling water. I wash my hair twice.

When I’ve had it enough, I turn the water off and got out. It’s warm in the apartment, I can only clothe myself in one towel around my waist. I tried to dry off my hair as much as possible so I don’t have to turn on the blow dryer, I hate that thing, I’m too lazy to hold it above my head, I only use it when it’s necessary. It was only then, when I wiped my face off, that I realized what I’ve done to the bathroom. The mirror was covered in mist, there was not a single millimeter that could’ve been seen, every single bottle of parfum, cologne, deodorant, his things, his parfums, the creams and all of it, everything was covered in mist after my hot shower. The sink was melting, the toilette seat was sweating, the tiles were slippery but I tried my best not to fall. Either way, it can be said that it was a good shower.

I open a small window and opened the door to the hallway. Across the hallway was my bedroom which we now shared, and next to it, it was the tiny living room/ kitchen. The lights were still off. I began wondering whether or not I heard him few minutes ago, maybe I was just imagining things.

“Armie?” I call for him.

“What’s up babe?” I hear him answer back at me, feeling relived, but why, I will never know.

“Nothing, just wanted to see where you were.”

“I’m in the kitchen.”

“Okay. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“Okay. You want something to eat? We can order in.” He asks, he sounds tired.

“We’ll talk when I get out.”

He doesn’t say anything and I continue drying my hair with the towel. After that, I comb my hair and clean my ears.

Then I hear his phone ring. He just got back from a business meeting and it was usually quiet afterwards, the only reason his manager would call him now it would be because something went wrong or they don’t want to work with him. He takes the phone out and answers.

“Hello? Liz…”

It’s his wife, Elizabeth.

“Heeey guys, what’s up? How was school today, honey?”

And that would be Harper too. I absentmindedly make a smile and it warms my heart whenever I hear him talking to his kids, or about them. Sometimes, It makes me sad that we can’t reproduce, so by now I could’ve been pregnant with his babies millions of times. That would be a dream come true, to have his babies in my belly, and he knows it too.

He’s got a soft spot for his kids, that’s for sure, they’re the only reason he’s still married to their mother.

“You miss me, baby? I miss you too…what did you do in school today?”

Adorable. I just know he’s smiling right now and wishing that he’s either there with his kids or they’re here with us.

“Oh, okay…put mommy on, then. I love you baby, we’ll talk soon, okay?”

Oh shit. This can’t be good.

“Okay, bye…”

I don’t even know what I’m doing; standing half naked, half wet, eavesdropping on Armie as he’s talking to his wife. But I don’t need to be near him to understand that with whatever news Liz comes to him, they aren’t good, because then Armie shuts down, and his answers are short and cold.

“Okay…Yeah…Good…I know, Liz…I know…I told you already, I know! Good…Mhm…Yeah…Of course he’s here…His place…Where do you think I’m staying when I’m in New York? Hotel?...No, I know, sorry…I missed them too, tell them that…Don’t do this now Liz…don’t…not now…really? Okay, I have to go…”

And that was it. They talked about the kids and me, and my apartment and something that he has to do when he comes back to Los Angeles, probably some moronic event Liz is attending where nobody knows who she is if it wasn’t for the extra last name “Hammer” in her bio.

I can hear Armie walk angrily around the place, he’s furious. He walks over and opens the fridge, then some cabinets, then I hear him sit back on the chair and put an ashtray on the glass coffee table. And I know all of this because it’s my place, and because I know what Armie does when he’s angry, like right now.

I hate it when she does this. She knows where he is and knows exactly how to push his buttons so he’d be less happy when he’s spending some time in New York with me. I hate it when she does this, it’s not her first time. Kids I can handle, I love them, and they adore me, I’d give anything so these contracts can end faster so that him, his lovely kids and myself can finally be together.

He’s angry, but if there’s one thing I know is that Armie Hammer does not like to talk when he’s angry, especially if he’s angry thanks to Liz. That is an area of anger I hope to never reach; to be harassed and manipulated psychologically by the person you once swore to give your life for, that is the person he thought he was gonna spend the rest of his life with, the mother of his children, at least that’s something he can get out of this marriage, the kids, that are life’s biggest treasure and the most proud father of those tiny human beings he adores so much. He’s told me about Elizabeth, all of it, how they met and how wonderful it was at first and then it got weird and hard, and I blame myself for that on some level but whenever I’d take the blame for his marriage falling apart he’d get emotional and say :”This marriage has been over for years, you’re just the reason I started believing in love and trust and respect in a relationship again. You entering my life has been an eye-opener, I don’t know if it’s because you’re young and I crave to be in your age, to be restless and rebellious, but you woke me up from a coma I didn’t knew I was living in. Being so close to you, being your friend, being a person you look up to…that’s when I knew I didn’t want to spend another day in a crowded and miserable marriage, I wanted to go and live while I still can and with you by my side. The only good thing out of it were the kids and they’re my pride and joy, nothing more, nothing less. Being intimate with you has shown me that there really is a person out there for everyone that will accept my mistakes, bad decisions, mood swings, my sexual fantasies, my life, my mind, my heart…all of it. I want to live again, Tim…and I want to live it with you, regardless of how things look right now, you’re the reason why I’m not scared of hiding anymore. Let everyone know, let them see the real me and if you’re there, holding my hand, well…that will just make me the happiest and the luckiest person out there.” I crumbled in his hug when he told me this and I vowed to always be there for him, as much as he’s prepared to be there for me.

I love this man. There is not a single thing I wouldn’t do to please him and make him happy. He wants to talk? We talk. He wants me to please him the way he likes? I’m there. He wants us to sleep and not touch? You got it. He wants to tie me up and choke me while making me see starts on the other end? Just tell me where to sign up.

There is not a single thing I would say no to, I haven’t so far, but Armie’s full of surprises, he’s got tricks up his sleeves for me and for us, and all I say is :”Just tell me when and where, I’m there.”

And now, he’s angry, smoking, frustrated, he misses his kids, and doesn’t want to talk about it, I’ll respect that. So, I do the only thing I can right now. I’ll try to cheer him up the only way I know always works. He needs this. Like he always says that he knows what I need and that he’s going to give it to me. And now, I know what he needs and he’s gonna get it.

Screw the fact that I just took a long, relaxing, warm shower. Screw the fact that I just washed my hair and half dried it, it’s gonna get sweaty soon. What matters is that the man I love is now feeling frustrated, sad and angry, and I wasn’t gonna let him feel like that anymore.

He needs to understand that there are certain things he does not have any control over, and that he can’t change them by being on the other side of the country. Whatever she said to him or asked him to do, where he is right now, he can’t do shit about it. We talked numerous times about it, but somehow, he doesn’t get it, or he’s trying.

I take the towel off of my waist and again, I was standing naked as the way I came to this world. He needs to see me, like this, right now, he needs this, he needs me, more than he knows.

I got out of the bathroom, across the hallway and into the kitchen.

Armie’s sitting in an armchair, smoking, flipping through his phone. Maybe he’s forgotten I was even here. His hair is wet, he’s in a white shirt, his wet jacket is sitting on the counter.

As soon as I walk in and my feet make the sound, he lifts his head up.

His face relaxes as soon as his eyes land on mine. He sees that I’m naked. He sees that my hair is wet. He sees me. Armie stares directly into my eyes for a second or two and then moves his eyes down my body. I just know he’s examining my entire being, he’s exploring the territory he’s touched so many times before, the skin, the bones, the flesh, the muscles, all of it, he’s seen it all, touched it all, made love to it many times. All of it. All of this, all of me, it’s his, it belongs to him and only him, him and nobody else. I never dared to go on as far as I did with Armie with anybody else. We’re talking about pushing the boundaries in the relationship to the maximum. There was not a single secret I kept from him, nor did he from me.

One night, about two years ago, he stripped me down and made me stand in front of him as he was exploring my body. Back then, he asked all the questions that were popping to his mind. Where did I get this bruise from? Why is this scar there and for how long? What was my birth mark? Have I ever broken any bones? He asked me to show all of my freckles, he was dying to touch them and to kiss them. He asked me when was my first time and told me to recreate it for him. We had a laugh afterwards because it was not pretty and because it didn’t last long. He asked if I ever slept with another man before, and before I could answer him, I asked him the same question. Both of our answers were negative. And this was all even before we had sex for the first time. This was the phase we shared on promo for the movie. We’d get together in a room and talk, hang out, sleep in the same bed, embracing each other, we’d touch sometimes, sometimes we’d go a bit further and explore our genital areas with hands and lips, but never further than that.

When it was over, when he was done with questions about my body, I felt so naked before him. I was naked, and so was he, but I felt more naked and exposed than that. It was like my skin had peeled off, and suddenly he could see all the things that made me a human being on the inside, not mistakes, or the past, or my insecurities, but organs; I felt as though he could see my heart beating, my lungs moving, my kidneys filtrating fluids, my stomach burning food with acid, it was like he could see the seed that was planted and made me who I was and where I was at that moment. It hurt to have his eyes on me only because I was worried that the longer he’d stare at me, the slower my flaws would appear right before his very eyes. It was killing me, the silence and the anticipation. I wanted to die that night, I was hyperventilating and started to cry, but then he looked at me and that’s when I saw that his eyes were tearing up a bit as well. Then he hugged me and pulled me so close to his body that I was afraid he was gonna swallow me. I crumbled up completely that night and fell asleep almost instantly. The last thing I remembered from that night was him putting me to bed, kissing my forehead and connecting our bodies warmth as we drifted off in a dreamless sleep.

The next night, I stripped him down and repeated what he did to me. In the end he got it why I was feeling the way I did and also admitted that he felt like dying. It was because of you, he said, I was ready for you to leave as soon as you’d find something repulsive on me, and there’s a lot of shit going on. I don’t see it, I said, I only see you, whatever you did, said, thought, I don’t see that, I see you as a beautiful human being, I see you as a person, the person that I love now so very much. He rushed to kiss me and we ended our night in a bath tub, which I prepared for us even before we started this, slowly kissing, talking and finishing each other off with our hands.

When we just felt it was time to do it for real, I remember crying a lot, and he was there to soothe me and kept repeating that we don’t have to do this, that it doesn’t matter, it’s just sex. But the truth behind my tears was that I was finally in love with someone for the first time in my life and I have never felt so safe and certain about being this intimate with someone I loved. He was the whole package. We loved each other and we wanted to work and take all the steps needed. We were past those phases where we liked each other, or we’re not certain if we wanted this or not…no, this was…love, the truest of them all. I was happy that I was about to experience love and pleasure in the same person. And I couldn’t have been luckier because the person standing in front of me, kissing my tears away and talking quietly at me, was feeling the same way I did, if not more.

After 4 hours of sharing my body with him, I swore that this is something I was gonna fight for, for him, for his heart, for his time, for his love. And there was nothing that was ever gonna stand in my way.

Now, I stood naked in front of this man.

“Tim…” He breathes out.

“You sound…not happy…” I said.

“How can I not be happy when you’re standing there like that?”

“You weren’t happy a minute ago.”

He takes his eyes off of me and takes a drag of his cigarette.

“I heard.” I said.

“So you know how I feel.”

He’s back at looking at me.

“Yeah, I do. It’s like this every single time.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” He says.

“No, I wouldn’t. But I understand something else…”

“What’s that?”

Silence. Pause. I’m nervous.

“I understand and know what you need right now.”

“You?”

I nodded.

“Me.”

I took a step towards him and he leaned back into his armchair. The cigarette is burning in the ashtray. I take no chances and sit on his lap, straddling his hips. I can feel him already getting hard underneath me.

“Hi…” I whisper and lean in to kiss him.

“Hi, babe…”

His hands fly around my waist.

“You smell nice.” He whispered against my neck, his short, wet hair was tickling me.

“I showered.”

“I know. Want some?” He offered me a cigarette from the pack, I took the one he already lit up.

Armie’s looking at me, his eyes are shining, he’s already feeling better but I’m just getting started. I take another drag and exhale it into his face; he closed his eyes but accepted what I blew at him. It was always like this with us, we both receive what the other one is offering. I put it back in between his lips and watch him as he’s taking his own inhale and exhale it through his nose. It made me smile. His hands were still around my waist, going up and down.

“You know…” I start as I was getting off of him…”We haven’t played in a while…” I kneeled in front of him, resting my chin on his thigh, looking up at him through my hair.

“What do you have in mind?” He asks and grabs my jaw with one hand. I can hear his voice sounding differently, his teeth are clenched, he’s getting harder and harder. Yes.

He blew the cigarette off in the ashtray just as we were about to begin.

And then his fucking phone rang again. It was Liz. We both saw the name on the screen. It was a mood killer, but Armie declined her call and turned the phone off. I was impressed and surprised. He did good. But even now, it awoke something in me, I wanted more, I wanted to kill him, and there was only way I could do that. He would die any time I’d bring it up because it was such a turn on for the both of us. I was convinced that this could easy make us both come just by talking like that.

“I missed you today…daddy…” I moaned as I was rubbing my chin on his thigh, caressing his calves, looking up at him through my wet curls.

“Oh Tim…” He breathed out. He was indeed stunned by my little performance. I know exactly what gets him off, he deserves it so much right now.

“Yes, daddy?”

“Oh you missed me princess, is that it?” Armie asks and touches my chin.

“Yeah, I missed you so much, and I was so horny and didn’t know what to do…”

“Really baby?”

He’s caressing my lower lip with his thumb. I can see that he’s breathing faster. Good. He’s on his way.

“Mhm…”

“Oh…” He licks his lips, they were getting dry from the way his mouth was opened and was breathing faster.

“Then I got really hungry. I still am. I need you to feed me. Daddy. Will you?” I moan as he inserts his thumb in my mouth. I suck on it like my life depends on it, taking it all in. Sucking his finger and looking up at him…he’s gonna lose it soon.

“Tim…” He breathed out my name again. I kept on sucking his thumb.

Armie squirmed in his armchair when I touched his crotch. He was so fucking hard. So hard. So hard, that his thumb got coated with my saliva almost immediately. I rubbed him again and again until I was very sure it might pop a button and the zipper. Armie moaned as I was rubbing his cock and sucking on his thumb. He loves this, he loves this so fucking much, and I love it when I feel his cock throb underneath my touch.

I pop out his finger out of my mouth and go back up to kissing his lips with tiny pecks.

“Feed me with your cock daddy, please…”

I know that by saying that I awoke a beast inside of him. A man of his size and his stamina was capable of destroying me and splitting me in half, and I was not scared of this thought.

“You’re all man, Armie…my man.” I keep on repeating this because he _is_ a real man, because he _is_ my man, he’s the most beautiful person I ever shared my body with. Everything was worth it because of him. He’s my world, he’s the love of my life. He owns me, he owns my body, my heart and my soul. I’m at complete loss when he’s near me and when he’s holding me so close.

I’m still licking his lips and rubbing his cock through his pants. He violently grabs me by my hair and makes me look up into his eyes. I’m biting my lower lip and he’s losing it slowly, I know what I’m doing, I know how to make him the way he is right now.

I couldn’t imagine what was he going through. I couldn’t put my finger on it because this was something that was driving him crazy for whatever reason.

“You want that princess?” I could sense that he was keeping it under control and tried so hard not to hurt me, he was talking through his teeth, and was getting harder and harder underneath the touch of my hand.

“Mhm…” I moan once more.

“You want daddy to feed you, hm, is that it?”

“Yes, daddy, please…”

“Then let’s get you on it…” He says and releases my hair, but smashes our lips together, I swore I could taste blood. I bite and pull his lower lip as he separates us.

_I’m here Armie, I’m here for you, my love._

I go back down, facing his crotch and start undoing the belt, the buttons and the zipper on his pants. Armie grabbed both his pants and his underwear and pulled them down to his knees, but I did the rest, I took them completely off of him and threw them away. When he removed his underwear, his cock popped out and it almost shocked me at how big he actually was. So beautiful, so perfect.

I’m smiling the entire time.

Now Armie’s sitting in his armchairs, both hands clenching onto the piece of furniture, waiting for me to start devouring him.

The first time I got on my knees and orally pleasured Armie was about two years ago.

Nothing really happened while we were shooting the movie in Italy 3 years ago. We’d kiss every once in a while, calling it practice, rehearsal, whatever, but we knew deep down, even though it seemed to be anything but making out for sheer pleasure, that this was something real and not something for the movie. It seemed more real on screen if we were to really get into it and we did. It was amusing for us, it made us feel good and we continued. We’d kiss in the morning, during the break between the scenes, at night when we’d go our separate ways into each his own apartment. It was a force of habit. Some nights we’d hang out together, especially when we had morning scenes where we both needed to be seen together. Those nights we’d sleep in separate beds, he’d sleep on the couch and I’d sleep in his bed, then I’d sleep on the couch and he’d sleep in my bed. We were still pulling the “Oh, we’re such good friends, we don’t mind spending every single second of every day together” scheme but it quickly turned into something more. I couldn’t dare to lift a finger and touch him in a way a friend wouldn’t touch another friend, especially because Armie was married and had one kid and the other one on the way. I couldn’t. I was afraid. I was so scared he’d turn me down, call me out on something, ghost me out completely, and then I’d be the one who imagined the entire thing and those kisses were just for the movie and us hanging out together was because we were just good friends. After the shooting had ended, Armie went off to film another movie in India and I stayed in New York to deal with other movies and plans for the future. When he returned from India, I was the first person he wanted to see. So we met up and it was around the time just before the promo had started and we hung out more and more each day. That is, when we were in the same city. On one special night, we both got a bit drunk and Armie admitted his feelings towards me. I was stunned. I remember feeling sad as fuck when we finished shooting the movie and thought this was just another business deal for him, but…apparently not. He told me how depressed he was the first few days when he got home to LA and when he was in India. He told me that he knew I had some deep feelings towards him and that he felt the same but couldn’t dare to go deeper because he knew it would be totally impossible to stop. Yes, I knew that. I knew he liked me, but in a friendly way, in a way where we’d kiss and sleep in the same apartment but only do that because this movie bonded us so much. Apparently, he was struggling, choking on his own thoughts about me and Italy, and that was something he desired to deepen. Staring at him, when he told me that, I remember feeling the safest I’ve ever felt and flat out came out to him. Told him that I liked him, maybe even loved him, and that just the entire process of shooting this beautiful movie and bonding so much with him awoke questions in me I’ve been asking myself my entire life. He said he felt the same. We both shared the same opinion, and kept it to ourselves because we didn’t know how the other one would react, and that was that we both knew and felt the bond during the movie, and that once it was over, it would just end whatever we started, and we had to go back to our lives in the US. Apparently, after being separated for months, we both decided to deepen whatever this is and to fight for it, to fight the system, to fight the people that don’t want us to be together. I made an argument about his wife and he told me that he’s been trying for years to separate from her. I brought up that his wife is currently pregnant, he said that that happened before he met me and that it was just around the time he gave up completely. When he told me that, it was the first night we spent sleeping in the same bed, in each other’s arms. We were onto something, on our way to start something but we didn’t know what.

The following year I spent couple of weeks in Los Angeles at his place while shooting another movie. We tried so many times to try something other than just making out but I couldn’t. I told him I simply couldn’t. When I got sick and got rushed to the hospital with double pneumonia, he was the one I told the nurse to call so he could get me. And he did, and he stayed by my side the entire time. Armie was the perfect host. While his wife wasn’t there, he slept in the same bed as me and kept me warm, fed me, gave me drinks, the pills, wash cloths etc. He was there the entire time. I told him to back off or he might catch anything but he didn’t want to listen to me. He helped me bathe, dress up, strip down naked, he carried me several times to the bathroom and even helped me take baby steps as I was getting better. He said I needed to walk, I needed to train my muscles because I was in bed for a week or so. I was beyond weak to even do anything else other than sleep or whine. At that time, we already made plans to do something else other than just glue our lips together, but it was just that, a talk, nothing more. It came to motion when he was in New York and we were shooting for The British GQStyle magazine.

Before the promo started, we met up at my place in New York and gave it a try. And failed. The pain was too much for me and Armie didn’t want to take it, he couldn’t stand to see me in so much pain. That was the day he kneeled and sucked me off quickly and passionately. Few days later, I was the one to get on my knees in the shower and suck him off for the first time in my life. Before the shower, we tried again and failed again, and just resorted to hand stuff and rimming, which was mind blowing. I was afraid I would chase him away if I don’t give him what he wanted and I will never forget the look on his face when I told him this. He looked like he was about to cry but instead stormed out of my apartment and came back 2 hours later. He sat me down and flat out came out to me, saying that he’s in love with me and that “me giving it to him” was the last thing he wanted from me.

“I want to be with you, Tim. I just want…to be with you. Nothing else. I want to be in the same room as you, sit at the same table as you, lie in the same bed with you, shower with you, eat with you, talk to you, I want to listen to you talk. That’s all. And this…sex…I don’t really care about that. I’m happy where we are right now. I’m happy that I met you and that you made me feel like this again. I love you Tim, I really do…”

“And what about your family?”

“We’ll talk about my family some other time. The kids are the only thing that matter to me. And my marriage to Liz has been going through shit even before you and I met.”

Then the promo started and we continued to give it a try every single time and again, just resorted to other things. I was so in love with him that I refused to keep it to myself during the promo, even though we were warned to take it down a notch. He didn’t want to listen, and neither did I. I believed him. I believed he was gonna stick around even without sex. I believed when he said it didn’t matter to him. But somehow, it mattered to me. A little too much.

Then we went to Rome and finally did it. I will remember that night for as long as I’m alive. And the rest…is history.

“How do you deal with it?”

“With what?”

He asked me one night when we were in Paris. Liz somewhat knew about it, I know Armie told her, but she was not there and Armie was all mine. I felt so bad stealing her husband away from her, but Armie corrected me immediately, saying that I didn’t steal anyone and that all I did was open his eyes to true love and respect. Liz hated me, even though it was not visible, but that woman can pretend like nobody else.

“With the pain.”

We were lying on the big bed in my hotel room after finishing another intense love making.

“What pain?”

“Down there…”

“Oh…um…I just do…”

“Does it hurt?”

I turn on my stomach to look at him.

“A little. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. Besides, I’ve seen the whole package. I knew what was in store for me.”

“You little shit.”

He swat my ass and kissed me, removing my curls and kissing my nose and my eye. I love the way he was so affectionate towards me.

“Why do you ask?” I ask him.

“No reason.”

“Armie…”

“Did it hurt the first time?”

“I don’t…I don’t really remember much. I remember being terrified, I remember you being gentle with me, other than that…no clue. But I did feel uncomfortable the next day while sitting down sometimes, and clenching down there, but that was the only memorable pain I can recall of.”

“And now?”

“Nothing. There’s pressure, but very little pain. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“I can read your face. I know when you’re in pain, Tim.”

“I know you can. But I also know you would never hurt me on purpose.”

“Never.”

We kiss again.

“Why do you ask?”

“Maybe soon, you could…do me.” He said it. My heart dropped.

“Really?”

“Of course. You sound surprised. You didn’t really think that this was one of those relationships. Where there’s always the one to take it?”

“I don’t know. You’re taller and bigger, and I’m…me…”

“You’re perfect. And you’re a man. A man I love. A man I’d gladly give my virginity to.” This almost killed me.

“Oh, Armie…”

“You’d be my first. Just like I was yours. In every single way.” He removed my curls and kissed me again.

When there was a screening of the movie in Crema, few days after Paris, that was the day Armie Hammer lost his virginity to me. Right before the screening. I remember looking at him and he acted a bit closed off, uncomfortable, swollen and tired. I caught myself thinking how barely two hours ago, I was inside of this man sitting next to me, looking very emotional. I took pride in all of that. He walked without any ease and it was visible on his face. It was visible of my face as well!

First I let him suck me off almost as soon as he walked into my hotel room. Then we talked for a while about me doing him for the first time. And after that we just did it. I took him from behind, to clear the path, to swallow the toughest position first, and then he turned around on his back and asked me to stare into his eyes all the way until the end. And I did just that. Armie crumbled in my arms. We both teared up at the end and he refused to let go of me. He indeed was emotional. That was the face I kept analyzing throughout the entire night. I thought he was in pain and didn’t want me near him. But no. He never left my side, he was leaning towards me, poking me in the back, looking at me, whispering against my lips. He needed me by his side, just as much as I needed him after my first time.

He said that Italy was the perfect place to do it all. It’s where we met, where we became friends, where we became lovers, in Rome, I lost my virginity to him, and in Crema, he lost his virginity to me. Italy was ours and no one and nothing could ever change that. Nothing else mattered anymore. It was just him and I, bonded for all eternity.

And now we’re here. It felt like returning from a war. We crawled through so much shit and drama, and came out on the other side clean as a tear. Still standing strong just like the day we met.

Now I need to please this beautiful human being.

I look up at him, give him a big smile, grab his big cock and dive right in. First I licked the head, all the way around, while still eying him, and then I just swallow him entirely.

“Oh fuck!” Armie breathed out.

He tastes amazing. I love him. I love doing this so much. It excited the both of us. It’s a joined thrill and sexual fantasy. There is nothing I love more other than listening to him fall apart in my mouth and underneath my touch. I pop him out and lick the entire organ while still looking up at him. Armie threw his head back and is breathing uncontrollably. His Adam’s apple is moving fast up and down his throat. I went back down and swallowed as much as I could. I can only get to the half of his size but it’s enough for him to cry out. I do that multiple times, over and over again. Saliva’s gathering in my mouth and I spit everything on his cock and swallow him again.

“Fuck Tim, oh my Go-…”

Armie violently grabs my hair again and pulls me down his crotch. I open up as much as I can but I’m so close to throwing up.

“Relax…relax your throat babe…” He breathes out.

I’m trying but the fact that I have something of that size, so full of flesh, down my throat…it’s hard. Armie relaxes his hands on my hair and gives me a break to breathe for a second. My nose is running and I’m already a bit dizzy. I pop him out again and just stroke him, still looking at him. There’s such love beaming from his eyes, it makes me smile widely. He’s happy, it makes me happy as well.

I go back down again with his hands tugging my messy curls. I’m giving it my all, trying to go as deep as I can, and his hands are there to guide me.

“Look at me princess…” He moaned. I look up but I can barely see him.

Armie removes one of his hands to reveal my eyes but my hair is long and there is no use. I’m still swallowing him and pleasuring him as much as I can.

“Hold up, babe…”

I stop and pop him out. It’s dark in the room, except for one lamp in the corner of the room, and the counter light. The rain is still pouring. I can see him fiddle with something on his arm and that’s when I notice a black hair tie. The famous black hair tie.

“I carry this with me at all times…” He says and starts gathering my hair to tie it. He makes a small bun, or something like that, but at least it keeps the curls from us looking at each other’s eyes.

“Perfect.” He says.

We smile at each other.

“Continue now…”

I don’t need to be told twice.

Armie puts his hands behind his head and enjoys watching me sucking him off while it was pouring outside.

I’m loving this very much. I’m so into it, I forgot to take care of myself. On reflex, I rush and touched my own cock. I started leaking the second I put my hand on myself. It made me shiver and drip all over my hand and some landed on the floor. I take some precum with one finger and bring it behind myself to start preparing on my own. I’ve never done this before, it was always him who’s handling this. After maybe a minute of massaging my own hole, while never breaking eye contact, I push one full finger inside of me and close my lips around his cock. It hurts a lot but I can take it.

“Fucking hell Tim! You’re a fucking wonder! Are you trying to kill me, princess?!”

I don’t say a single word, I just continue slowly fingering myself and sucking him off.

We keep this pace for a while, I’m still trying my best to swallow him all the way to the base, while still preparing my hole for his cock. Going deeper and deeper every single time, I’m closer and closer by the millimeter. He’s looking at me, not always, but he’s moaning and breathing out my name from time to time.

And then I make it. I made it until the very end! I swallow Armie’s cock to the fullest.

“Oh fuuuck! Tim! Oh my God!”

I swallow him again and keep him like that, on the edge for some time. I’m so close to vomiting, I can’t breathe, my nose is running, my eyes are tearing up, my hole is opening up. Armie rushed to tug my hair again and the next second, the hair tie falls off my head and I hear him mutter “Fuck it”, and he continues to push my head down his crotch. The eye contact is broken. He’s now slamming his pelvis down my throat. I squeeze his thigh so tightly, with nails, I’m pulling his skin, pulling the hairs on his thigh with my free hand. I’m loving all of this. He’s literally choking me and I’m dying for more.

“Oh Tim! I love your fucking mouth!”

He is, at this point, screaming.

“That’s right, princess! Just like that!”

I’m gonna die soon.

“You’re so good, baby! What a good boy you are…”

He’s slamming down my throat, I’m devouring his left thigh. Then I’m swallowing him completely and gagging on his cock. All the way until the end.

By that point, I’m sweating and crying, drooling and struggling to catch some air. I can’t take it anymore. I’m gonna come really soon if we continue like this.

Armie eventually releases my hair and I finally take a second to breathe. I’m hyperventilating, and by the looks of it, he ain’t doing anything better. I pull the finger out of my hole, I think it had it enough.

“Fuck, you’re a mess, princess…” He says and spreads my saliva all over my chin. I’m still holding his cock, around the bushy base. He’s so big and red.

“You’ll clean me up later.” I smirk at him.

“I will…”

Armie takes the finger that was just inside of me and licks it and then smashes our lips again.

When we’re done kissing, I go back down again. Doing it all over once more.

I lick it, staring at him, and then I swallow him completely, he’s falling apart. Yes!

“Oh fuck Tim, just like that! Just like that! I love your fucking mouth! Oh! I love you so much! Keep going, keep going! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”

His hands are back into my hair again and he’s pushing me down again. I love it. My jaw aches, maybe my lips were tearing apart and bleeding, I’m sweating and crying, all over again. But the main priority is Armie, and he sounds fucking fantastic. He’s panting, and gasping, grunting and moaning, all of it. He’s squirming in the chair and I’m holding him down by his thighs to keep him still.

And then I had a thought: this was my idea, we’ll do it as I say.

I pop him out again and crawl back onto his lap. Armie’s taken by surprise, that’s for sure, but he’s not moving. I take his wet shirt off and grind down his crotch. His arms immediately run to embrace me and push me even lower onto his cock. I moaned at his action. He’s wet, thanks to the fluids coming out from the holes on my face, and I’m opened completely on my own.

“You wanna ride me baby?” He whispered against my neck.

“Yes, daddy…” I moaned. His grip tightened.

I grab his cock from behind and stroke it a bit, and Armie rushes to spread my cheeks further apart so he could enter me with ease. I push him inside, never taking my eyes off of him. His facial expressions change quickly, but I could see that he was tearing up a bit himself, he’s sweaty too, lips trembling, there’s such gentleness screaming from him, even now, after everything, he’s so sweet and nice towards me. All that role playing turned both of us on and now when it was the moment of truth, I see the real Armie. Yes, he loves to be the dominant one, he loves the fact that he owns me, he loves when there’s someone willing to submit to him, but him being terrified like now, that’s the real Armie. He’s a real man indeed, but actually, Armie prefers making love to having wild sex.

He’s fully inside of me and I’m moving finally.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and began watching me while I did my best to please the both of us. The feeling is amazing, it’s always like this, the second he’s inside of me, there’s no going back. I’m seeing stars and rolling my eyes at the back of my head. I’m pulling his chest hair and he’s holding my hips and motions for me to move back and forth on his big cock. Sometimes I feel like his entire length could easily reach my prostate without even trying. I can’t think straight anymore, I’m losing myself on top of him.

We’re connected. We are one. Bonded for life. There’s no going back. Period.

Come to think of it, an hour ago or so, I walked out of my bathroom clean and fresh. Now I was sweaty and puffy everywhere. But it was all worth it. Like I said, he’ll clean me later.

“Tim…oh my God…you feel…” He can’t finish his sentence, he’s choking on air.

“Oh! I know, you feel the same way!”

I don’t want to stop this. Ever. Not while he’s here and I’m falling apart in his arms. I don’t want to come, I don’t want this to end, I want to stay connected to him forever.

I start moving faster and faster, grunting louder, moaning deeper and higher. I feel no pain, no pressure, no rush, nothing. All I know is that I love him and I will always do my best to take his mind off things and give him the best orgasm ever.

Armie pulls me down towards him and starts making out with me, with tongue and so much saliva. After that, I slam our sweaty foreheads against one another and he takes a chance to slam inside of me, repeatedly, fast and hard, almost too violently. I keep thinking I’m gonna need to put some ointment later on.

“O-oh, A-Armi-i-i-e-e-e…” I’m stuttering because of how fast he’s slamming inside of me.

Then he hit my prostate. And he does this again and again.

“Armie!!”

I refuse to keep it calm anymore. Fuck that. I’m done with being quiet. He wants to hear me out, he knows exactly how do to it.

I can’t stop whispering his name through tears sliding down my face and onto his. He’s kissing my jaw, my neck, my collarbones.

Then he takes another round and slams inside of me again. And again. I wanted to rip the furniture with my nails and his skin with my teeth. The tiredness overpowered me and I lose it completely when I feel how close I am. He’s still fucking my hole without hesitation, squeezing my butt cheeks mercilessly, biting into my shoulder and sucking on it until I feel like I lost a single limb.

I grab my cock and start stroking slowly. When Armie notices that he helps me to sit up straight on his cock. I must’ve looked vile and like a total mess. He removes the curls from my eyes and wipes the tears off of my cheeks. I’m stroking myself slowly but I’m close. I want this to last. While still looking at me, Armie replaces his hand with mine and is stroking my cock now the way he knows I need it. I shivered when I felt his cold hand on my skin. I bent down and kissed him. I’m kissing him and caressing his head, and he’s caressing my back and stroking my cock. It’s dark outside, it’s still pouring, it’s dark inside.

“Armie…” I breathe out.

“Tim…baby…”

“I’m close…I’m gonna come…”

“Do it. Feed me, my love…” He grunts.

I take the cock back into my hand and I start jerking it off faster and harder. Soon, white, sticky cum splashes out of my hole. Some land on his chest but most of it I shoot right into his mouth and he welcomes it beautifully. Armie smiles after I fed him with my juices. He swallows everything and licks his lips so as though nothing is left. I’m shaking. I’m cold. I’m always cold after I come.

“Mmmm, so good baby. You taste so fucking good…” He licks his lips again.

He then pulls out of me and stands up on his own two feet with me holding onto his body tightly, he’s holding me like a child. I’m so tired and happy, drained and sexually satisfied. I lean on his shoulder as he takes a swing and puts me down onto the floor, with my head leaning against the counter. Armie then stands up and I look up at him. He’s gonna come in my mouth now. Of course he is.

He’s stroking himself, jerking off so fast I can barely make out any movement. I’m so tired I can barely think straight.

“Open wide, baby…” He breaths out. I open my mouth.

“Feed me, daddy…” I moan looking up at him.

“Stick out your tongue.”

I did as I was told.

Couple of seconds later his cum splashes all over my face: my cheek, my nose, my lips and the biggest part of it went down my throat. I swallowed everything that came out of his cock. He’s trembling himself, he’s loud when he comes, sometimes he’s quiet but today we made a silent deal to be as loud as possible. He looks down at me and spreads his cum all over my chin and lips. I grab his cock and suck what’s left of it.

“Fuck…ah…don’t…too sensitive baby…” He pants out but I don’t stop regardless of what he said.

I swallow him two times and then I’m done.

He’s still trying to control his breathing above me and I hug his right leg. I love him. I’m fed. He fed me with his cum, his time, his devotion, his love.

After going back to normal he sits down next to me on the floor. Armie takes me into his arms and kisses my face, he’s showering me with praise and love, and I’m bathing in his attention. I’m smiling. Even though I can’t see straight anymore or think anymore, I’m still on cloud 9 when it comes to his affection after sex.

“Fuck, Tim…that was…amazing, baby…” He breaths out against the back of my head.

“Agree…”

“What’s gotten into you, huh?”

I turn to look at him. The wooden floor is killing my ass.

“I saw that you were stressed and frustrated, and I wanted to make you feel good. Or…take your mind off things for a while.” I said.

“Well…you did it. Thank you.” He smiled and touched my cum covered cheek.

“You’re welcome.”

“I promise, this will not affect me again.” He said.

“You say that every time.”

“I know. But this time I mean it.”

I chuckle.

“You also say that every time.”

“Okay, but this time I really mean it. Seeing how easily you can distract me from her and the problems…it’s like…it’s all worth it. It’s worth what we’re fighting here for Tim. Don’t you agree?”

Silence. He’s asking me to agree with him. But he already knows the answer to that.

“Absolutely. I knew you were worth it all the second you kissed me.”

He smiles after me and brings our foreheads close to each other. Armie’s after sex scent is so fucking intoxicating.

“Hm, simpler times were back then?” He whispers.

“Maybe. Maybe not. We’re older now and more mature. We know what we want and we’re going after it.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

Armie pecks my lips and we separate. The rain is still pouring.

“Let’s get you into a shower.” He said and jumped up to stand again. Where the fuck did he get that energy from?

He offers me a hand and I take it.

“I showered before you came home.” I said.

“I know. But you showered alone. Now that I’m here…”

I knew it. No more hot water.

Armie hugs me and embraces me to his hairy chest. I absentmindedly remembered I plugged a couple of them when he was slamming inside of me fast and hard. I hug him back. It’s so quiet in the room, the only sound I can make out is the rain. He loves hugging me after sex, it’s always like this. He’s trying to warm me up because he knows how cold I get after ejaculating.

Armie takes my hand and we’re off to the bathroom.

I was wrong this time. We shower quickly, we don’t touch, only kiss and talk a bit. The water was hot the entire time. He scrubs my body and I do the same for him. After that, we dry off separately. His hair is short so he doesn’t have to worry about that, but he put the lid on the toilette down, set a towel on top of it and helped me sit down so he could blow dry my hair. I winced when I sat down.

“You okay?” He asks, looking at me with such a surprised look on his face. Like he doesn’t know how hard he fucked my hole.

“Yeah, yeah, just…in a little bit of pain. It’s no biggie. It’ll pass.” I refused to look at him.

“Oh. I’ve gone too far haven’t I?” He stiffens. He’s gonna eat himself now.

“Maybe a little, but I’m fine.”

“You’re not, you’re in pain.”

“Armie, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

“I do worry.” God, he’s so annoying.

“Don’t. I’ll put some cream on it, it’ll be okay in the morning.”

“Sorry…” He whispers.

“Shut up, you’re annoying me right now.”

He doesn’t say a single word and plugs in the hair dryer and tangles with my hair.

Ten minutes later I’m dry, from my head to my toes.

We go into the bedroom and start picking clothes to put on. Armie has two shelves in my closet, and one drawer. He disappears into the bathroom and comes back less than a minute later.

“Lie down.” He says.

“Why?”

“Lie down, Tim. On your stomach.”

I did as I was told.

He lifts my lower body and spreads my butt cheeks. Oh dear God, no!

“What are…what are you doing?” I breathe out.

“Just checking to see if you’re okay. Relax.”

“I told you I’m fine.” There’s no use.

He’s silent for a second or two.

“You’re a bit red down there. And swollen. I like that. But since you’re in pain, I’ll put this cream down there, you’ll feel better soon.” He said and showed me the cream he had in his hand.

“Okay.”

I’m blushing like crazy. I couldn’t believe I was so embarrassed with him touching my hole with his fingers. It was nothing new for the both of us.

I went too far with fingering myself and then later on when he was brutally hot inside of me. I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind the pain or the fact that I was swollen and red.

The cream is cold but it heathens up pretty soon.

“There…” He says when he’s done and kisses both of my butt cheeks.

“Thank you…”

“Put some clothes on, you’ll catch a cold.”

I dress up and put on my pajamas, he’s wearing his own as well and a shirt on top.

“You wanna order something for dinner?” I ask. Even though I’m exhausted, I don’t feel like sleeping just yet. Not while the rain is still pouring outside.

I love the rain.

“Sure. Pizza?” He asks.

I nod with a smile. He takes his phone and switches it on again.

“She called me 6 times. And I have one message.” He doesn’t sound surprised.

The first thing that ran through my mind was that something bad happened to the kids and that’s why she called him so many times.

“What does it say?” I ask as I grab the pack of cigarettes and light one up.

“After those silly calls, she sent me a message saying that I need to call her asap because of some stupid event. Sweet Lord…”

Good. It’s not the kids.

I offer him one cigarette and he takes it, lights up one himself.

I turn on the two lamps I had in my living room, and a TV. He dials the number and orders a pizza.

Eventually, we ended up watching a movie that was showing on TV and ate the entire pizza. He drank some beer I had there and I drank some soda. God, I was so fucking hungry. I don’t remember much of the movie because I kept falling asleep every five minutes. The next thing I remembered was him carrying me to bed like a bride and tucking me in between covers. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. It was painful as hell but I made it. Armie never moved a muscle when I left the bed and his arms. On my way back to our bedroom I looked up and saw that the rain had stopped pouring but also, there were white snowflakes already covering up the streets of New York. I smiled. This is how I knew the winter had truly begun.

I went back to the bed and into his arms. He woke up when I threw his arm around me.

“It’s snowing outside.” I whispered against his nose and kissed it.

“Really?” He’s between reality and dreams.

“Yup. It’s so beautiful outside.” I couldn’t contain my joy. I felt like a kid again. Only now, I was much, much older and I had the person that I adore next to me.

“We’ll take a walk tomorrow morning, okay?” He breaths out, never opening his eyes.

“Absolutely.”

“Sleep now, Tim.”

“Good night, Armie. I love you.” I whispered and peck his lips.

“Love you too.”

I dozed off almost immediately, feeling the safest and most secure I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is wehadthe-stars.


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